Why Steve Jobs Isn’t Secretary of State

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Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, visited with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev last week.  The CEO gave the President an iPhone during the meeting.  As it turns out, it’s a good thing Jobs isn’t any kind of diplomat because the iPhone he gave Medvedev was still locked to AT&T. Oops.  That could’ve been an international incident.

The Russian President’s assistant, Arkady Dvorkovich, broke the news on Twitter (translation here).

No word yet on whether the ill-fated iPhone 4 will be fixed or replaced.  Jobs is certainly keeping quiet about it.  It’s expected that Hillary or Obama or someone will make an official statement after the holiday and there’s probably a special courier flight taking a new iPhone 4 to Moscow as I type.

Apple, meanwhile, is rumored to be crafting a statement to the effect that the skeletal Jobs is not in any way incapable of doing his job as CEO despite his numerous leaves for medical reasons and this latest mishap.

Conspiracy theorists believe the locked phone is a coded message to the Russian President, perhaps with a Masonic undertone.  Since the screen on the phone illuminates (illuminates, Illuminati – it’s not much of a stretch) to show that it can’t find an AT&T network once Medvedev has left the U.S., this could have been a signal to begin preparations for the End Times of 2012.  Rumor says the phone came pre-loaded with a Mayan Calendar app.

However all this pans out, the good news for all of us is that we’re past the Cold War and its nuclear threat from the Kremlin.